Dear Someone Special,

Lady bugs are the porn stars of the animal kingdom. Did you know that on average they have 130 lovers in a lifetime!? That's 25 a years! It's probably because the male lady bugs got something to prove. If you're a guy and you've got the word "lady" in your name, you better step to the plate! Lions have about 72 loves. Toads, 40. Giraffes, 20. Me, I'm more of a penguin kind of guy. Penguins, they have only one partner their whole life. Even if they live in totally different parts of the world, penguins will always meet for one wild weekend. If that ain't true love, then I just don't know what is.

If there's one thing life has taught me, it's that long distance relationships are tough. But I'll tell you right now, I'm willing to put forth the effort. I'm still looking for that special someone to come into my life and I can't help but wonder... could it be you?

Here's a few reasons why I'm the perfect penguin... I've been off the streets for too long to try and run any game on you. I'm passionate, intellectual, sensual... I work out, and yeah, I do look pretty good in a beater (or out of one, wink-wink!). I'm fully capable of supporting myself. I'm not interested in what's in your wallet... only what's on your mind and in your heart. And oh yeah! I cook a bad-ass macaroni and cheese! What else could you possibly ask for?

All jokes aside, I'm looking to form a real friendship with a real woman. Someone to pass the time with, to share some laughs. If it grows into something more somewhere down the road.. Well, that's all in the cards.

I'll be patiently awaiting your letter... Okay, that's a lie! There won't be anything patient about it. I'm dying to meet you!